The Infamous Afterthought: A Confessional

How often has it occurred that we have been in a moment of mental disarray? Thoughts whirling through our minds like cars on a race track...you could even swear they create a buzz in your ears like on hundred roaring engines. And to add to the thunderous flurry is a whirl of emotion, possible wave of nausea and to top it off, the lovely glow of perspiration that reveals all. With all of this internal chaos a quick comment or smart retort seems “un fait du compli” if you will.

For me, this mental hurricane occurs in a quick wit situation; a fast joke at my expense or a cheap shot. Possibly even an unexpected question to which I can't dig out the answer in my limitless mental file. People laugh, or stare and the split second moment seems to last for hours. I can think of nothing to say, I stand there like a statue, but my mind races to think of something. I inevitably fail. The instance will then replay over and over, again and again and again in my mind until POW.....the infamous afterthought.

Oh yes, a witty come back pops into my mind, a spontaneous gift of smarts and quick retort. But oh, like a belated birthday card, it just doesn't cut it. The moment is over and there is no way you can readdress any situation like this, as you will be only continuing the mockery of yourself. I must find it in myself to let go, relax and ignore the lingering moment of embarrassment in my mind. Not as easy as you would think...for someone like me.

A realization has come to me as of late. The afterthought is my nemesis. It is through the analysis of the curse of the afterthought that I realize I dwell far too much on simple issues. Not to exclude large issues to which I not only dwell on but fanatically over analyze. I allow myself to be consumed by the inevitable afterthought. But only now have I given a moment of this constant pondering to ponder the problem itself. My need to relax and let go, or take moments to myself was addressed recently in a rather interesting class I have proceeded to attend. The bottom line, really, is that this nemesis is my own torture that I have created for myself. I have decided that the afterthought should simply not exist.

This is my confessional and this is my realization. No longer will I be a slave to this inevitable afterthought...I will just beat them to the punch!